Missing is a difficult size I think. A pretty difficult companion to carry around on the shoulder. Because it is there … always unfortunately. And I’m pretty much hit by that. Sometimes it can fill so much, that for a while it may feel like living in a dream world. Like you’re in one world, but always have your thoughts in the other world.
In my case, the place I’m partly “living” in, is very often turkey (but there is certainly room for other places – often places with palms). Turkey is not quite randomly selected, because as you already know, I’ve lived almost half of my life down there. Not in a physical sense, but I’ve been travelling there for many, many years and will (hopefully) never really get tired of it. There is always some place to explore, a new place you haven’t been to or a place that is very well known, but you have forgotten this or that.
What about the family?
And then of course, of course, our family. It will not be easier as times goes by, that sometimes you haven’t seen people for years, or that someone close to you (like my father in law) is too far away, when you just want to be with him and talk to him right here and now. Like this afternoon, when we talked to grandfather in Antalya. You know, ordinary chit chat, how the health is, was it an okay day, how was the weather, what the grandchildren were doing with school and much more. And that’s fine enough …. but then again no. The missing will be no less, rather contrary!
And I must honestly admit that for long periods I’m REALLY bad to contact and just call, facetime, etc., even though it’s so simple and cozy. My sweet father-in-law always shows me his garden, when we speak. A tradition we always have when we finally see each other. And this summer we saw 2 x family, that we had not seen in 2 years and the other part of the family for 15 years !!! Are you aware of how much you grow and develop in 15 years !!!? And how strange it is to see, that now the cousins have grown so old and the children are so big and so on.
Can you miss the yell, the noice and the beep ??
But the miss is simply too big some times, that it is too hard to pull yourself together and take contact. Like the feeling in the stomach when you fall from the Golden Tower in Tivoli. That it will not stop.
Do you know that feeling??
Because you can miss something, even if you do not have family, friends etc somewhere. Sometimes it’s just the fragrances, the sounds, the feeling of being at a particular place. Yes, it sounds crazy right? For example, I relax to the sound of the “Yalla man” (yes, that’s the in our home for when the Muessin calls for prayer). I can even miss the yelling call and the beep from the speakers. I just think there is a sensible calm and regularity about it. And then you always know, that you’re somewhere else that’s a bit different than home. Here at home from my chair in Denmark, you can at least hear the cars on the road, the neighbors who are noicy and the church bells once in a while. And after all, it is something different than a man who yells 5 times a day 😉. Just on this point, there are probably not many, that can follow me. Perhaps some of you “hardcore” people, who travel to Turkey often, recognise that too ?? I think, that’s how you get used to the prayers, when you get there often. Because it is undeniably a prerequisite for being in Turkey.
The blog is a good excuse
And then there is my blog …. At the beginning I thought, that just writing about Turkey, Antalya and some of my more or less nice experiences could give me a bit of relief. Just so I didn’t constantly go with this desire and urge to look at airline prices and schedule when I / we could go.
BUT THAT WAS SO NAIVE !
It’s only gotten worse, cause now “you live in it” when writing. All the sounds, fragrances and tastes comes back, when I’m sitting and writing. So sometimes it feels like pure torture. Especially when you do not even have a vacation or you know, that there will be at least 8 months before you go there and go back to the family etc again.
A long way
And then there is the whole aspect with seeming credible, when you write about a country you do not live in, have a living in and is almost 4000 km away from (exactly 3608 km if you drive on Route A9 from Denmark). At least I’m a bit envious of the girls I know, who live and blogs from Turkey. How nice must that be? (and yes yes, everything is rosy in the dreams right?)
But yes, nobody has said it’s easy to stand with a leg in each country (and how can it be for my dear husband? It’s after all his father, his side of the family, his origin, culture, etc.). But he takes it with stoic peace (maybe a very Turkish gene – to take things as they come?).
But hey … it takes only 38 hours to drive from Denmark to Turkey if you take it in one step … ..